Fear of Public Humiliation leads to a Public Speaking Career?!

I recently uncovered my fear to be humiliated in public. This was a deeply buried fear that had been living within me for as long as I can remember. As I child, I had the recurring dream of “forgetting” to wear my swimsuit at my swimming lessons. I later learned that a fear of being seen naked in public translates a fear of public humiliation. Pretty ironic for someone who now dreams of becoming a public speaker. Or maybe not so, since I strongly believe that our deepest fears hold the key to our deepest desires. So a public speaking career would perfectly make sense after the fear of being vulnerable in public was overcame. Once you’ve got that established, where do you go from there?

Getting rid of any fear is done through action. When you are mentally strong enough, you are able to act in spite of your fear. That’s what courage is: it’s not waiting for the fear to disappear – which will never happen! – it’s acting with the fear being present besides you. Once you start taking action, your fear will gradually loose it’s grip over you and new pathways will create in your brain so that fear gradually becomes ineffective.

I find it very interesting to think about the pace at which things are uncovered. I saw a psychologist for several years who kept asking me if I felt shame and my answer was always negative. Now though, I realize that the level of shame I felt was so intense that my conscious mind could not even see it! I was so accustomed to shame that I wasn’t even aware there was any trace in me!

Back to the public speaking career, I find it fascinating to discover that behind my greatest fears hide my greatest aspirations. I find it curious that the fear would “choose” this spot. It’s like if fear purposely chose this spot to force me to overcome it. Or maybe it’s just that fear fills any void it can find and it occupies the space that we don’t use until we realize our dreams. You should read the story of the “Magician of Fears” which tells that behind every fear hides a desire. I love this author, Jacques Salomé, who specializes in children’s traumas and non violent communication.

Today I’m not so afraid to speak in public anymore. I even volunteer in high schools to share my coming out experience as a gay person. But I still feel a big blockage in speaking about my true passion: personal development. I don’t feel confident affirming that I deeply believe in personal growth and that it should be part of everybody’s education. At least this website is a good stepping stone to start publicly sharing my views and exposing myself to critics and other people’s judgement. Maybe when I don’t judge myself so much it will be easier to talk about personal development in public as well.

Overcoming your personal fears are the most liberating thing ever. Once you’ve gone beyond them, you feel the freedom we were made to experience. A pure bliss of joy and knowing you’re in the flow, or in the “vortex” like Abraham Hicks calls it. I had a few glimpses of that which motivates me to keep working on myself, because I want to experience longer and more frequent moments like those.

If you want help to conquer your fears and get advice on how to take action, you can read my book: Grow With the Flow.

Also feel free to comment and commit to overcoming one of your fears!

Bob Proctor Emotions – How we see the world

Bob Proctor Emotions. As Bob Proctor said time and again, we see the world through our emotions. If were are angry, everything will upset us: the long line at the grocery store, the traffic to get home, even the rain will be annoying! If were are in love, we’ll find everything beautiful: the sunlight when we wake up, the magnificence of trees, even the rain will feel refreshing! Think about it: haven’t you already experienced very similar situations, but once with very positive emotions and once with negative ones? It’s the same event happening to us, but we respond to it in very different manners. Maybe you were once stuck in traffic and it was a source of frustration and another time it was a moment to catch up with a friend?

I’ll use a metaphor to illustrate my point further. A soft touch is very enjoyable and your skin allows you to perceive this pleasurable physical contact. But was is usually enjoyable will be the opposite experience if your skin is bruised and infected: touching it will be a source of pain. Now, imagine that your skin is your mind. It is made for contact with others and these relationships are supposed to be fun and enjoyable. But if your mind is bruised by fear, then you will feel threaten by relationships with others. You’ll be wary that people might ridicule you or manipulate you. In order to experience healthy relationships, your mind needs to be healthy and free of fears.

As always, the first step to get out of fear is awareness. Read my previous articles on how to increase your awareness. Once you are aware of your fears, you need to focus on the desire that is hidden behind each one of them. To learn how to do that, read this beautiful tale from Jacques Salomé. Finally, to get rid of your fears, you need to completely accept them and forgive yourself for having them. Read my article on getting rid of limiting beliefs and fears.

Let me know how it goes!
Martin